Confessions of a 20 year old blogger

OKAY, first of all I went to write "teenage blogger" in my post title before realising I am 20. I know 20 isn't old but damn, I still feel 13 most days and 3 the rest of the time.

 If you think that's dramatic;

1. Check my blog name you, AND ALSO
2. You haven't seen anything yet my pretties. (que evil laugh)

So...I wanted this blog to be sort of a output of me venting my feelings and thoughts (Being able to use over the 140 characters that twitter allows) If I'm entirely honest I wasn't sure what was the point of this, does it benefit me or you?! But maybe the idea is we help each other, in this life we are all bumbling along side by side the least we can do is give each other a hand right?

Enough of the heavy now me thinks, I decided to dedicate this blog to the first 3 of 20 things I have learnt now I'm 19 20(I WILL GET USED TO IT I PROMISE) and do at least one blog devoted to the next instalment every month (let me know if ya have any ideas) anyway:     

1.  From what I've seen some people most definitely peak at 15, and then after its all rubbish fake tan and broken dreams...(Basically it's okay to not be the most popular person that ever took breath)- Okay that was dramatic but what i'm getting at is that the minority of people were part of the popular clique when you're around 12-18, and truthfully that used to bother me A HELL OF A LOT when I was younger. The need to fit in was a huge weight on my young teenage shoulders, like it probably is on others now.. AND even in uni you get some people who want to float to the top, but I find them laughable being the wise old women I am now. You know who you are just take a chill pill I don't think you can get a degree in being 'an edgy cool ass mofo' BUT I'll ring UCAS and check, you never know. I think I just learnt that as long as you have a good group of people around you and you're happy then that is well and truly all that matters. . .

    2. Don't rush anything or wish for anything to fly by, EMBRACE EVERY MINUTE- Now I sound like a fridge magnet but I'm serious. Do you remember waiting to be 13, and then when you were 13 you probably thought "oh my gawd I can't wait to be 16 i'll be practically grown up" and so on with 17,18,19. I know I'm not at all ancient but so far in my dramatic lifespan, my favourite time was from when I was 13/14/15. When you can start to gain independence and yet still get pocket money and presents from father christmas.   

  (sorry I had to) ... BUT as I previously wrote about in a previous blog about Disney films(it is on the right waiting to be read, read me it cries.READ ME).. Ahem don't try and grow up too fast try and enjoy every minute every pimple every time your mum washes your clothes for you (trust me you will miss that when all your whites turn grey /off pink!) Because if you are always waiting for something even if its a birthday, are you making the most of this very moment? Or is it just counting down constantly? Perhaps have a little think... (Not that I'm making the most of this very moment, by deciding which bedding I should put on my bed. DRAMA) 

  AND finally for this little snippet of a blog, drum roll for my last piece of wisdom. Don't cry too hard....

   3. It is really not about who goes from your life, but rather who stays- It may sound a tad cliche, and a line from a self-help book but the people who stick around through all your meltdowns are the ones that count. NOT the ones that don't. 

       Personally I can find it so hard to stay positive sometimes, and it feels like people in my life are swinging through a revolving door of in and out. BUT it's the ones that have been in and stay in that are important, when it comes to friends its definitely quality over quantity RIGHT?! Though sometimes it feels more like this...

  

 So sad and so true... Steak is most defo not only the quality friend but the one who is always there. Trusty steak mmm. Anyway, we are all so young and as my father once told me (I sound older than 20 there, can never get the balance right can I?) He said to me "Why worry about all these silly people? you are 18 (at that time) you have met under 10% of the people you will EVER meet in your life, you have 90 more percent to find the right people so much to do and see just wait..."

               Him saying that just seemed to make sense and not needing an explanation, I hope it does to you lovely lot. You are all wonderful and you'll find some equally wonderful people if you haven't already.  SO tell your pals how great they are, but not to lovingly or they will accuse you of either being very drunk/high or you've dropped their toothbrush down the loo. (IT WAS AN ACCIDENT I SAID SORRY GOSH.)

                  

           ANYWAY... I feel I have prattled long enough my little bon-bons, till the next time you gorgeous creatures of the night. Stay Safe and EAT YOUR CRUSTS I PROMISE IT WONT MAKE YOUR HAIR CURLY (or will it...)

  M x

Maisie is ladeeeloving these things at the very moment in time:

• Crazy hair dyes- I have dyed the ends of my hair purple and I feel like some kind of summery fairy it is really quite awesome. AHAND not permanent, so does not mean my hair will snap off...
• Ten pin Bowling- Even if i did lose with the sides up.. I imagined the ball was the head of my enemies as it rolled along mwahahaa (i didn't really, even for me that's a tincy bit mean)
• A WHOLE PINEAPPLE FOR £1 FOR SAINSBURYS- spikey goodness IF I could work out how to cut it
• Playing music so loudly the floor vibrates- Is there any other way to play it though? It's so everyone else can appreciate my outstanding 'scene kid 2008-10 era' playlist...
• Second chances - We should all be more forgiving of each other, have faith cherubs the suns shining which can only mean good things are on the way!

  

FEEL free to drop a comment maybe a cheeky like, and any suggestions my lovely things will be either ignored or acted upon (I make no promises!!!!)

I've been surrounded. Let the awkwardness comence

Now, I don't claim to be any sort of life guru or live with zen and peace in my life. Quite the opposite, my motto is 'live by the sword drama die by the drama.'

BUT
I want to discuss a situation with you darling little lemon squares. Think of three different people you'd hate to run into, people that you may have never even met and yet your hate fire is fuelled strong for them... Now IMAGINE running into all three on the same day. at the same time. at the same place.

HUSH MY BABIES MAISIE'S HERE DONT WORRY. So yeah basically this happened to me, a friends birthday lunch in the cutest little cafe, we are all chatting and laughing not knowing my life was about to get that much more awkward (I know, I didn't think it was possible either) BUT into the cafe walks suspect number one... 

1.  The guy I went on three dates with a few months ago who still leaves me weird messages, and 'accidental' phone calls.- Okay, so things fizzled out on my end but he seems to not understand that "Goodbye forever!" Quite literally means, goodbye forever...                                          So he walks in and it feels like the room sort of hushes, being the upfront girl I am I... decide to hide in my drink and even consider putting my sunglasses back on (Not to obvious right?) BUT anyway this is me right now                               

                       Yeah deer in headlights, after three months of almost ninja like avoidance the moment has come. Don't be too on the edge of your seat, my ninja training pays off and he lurks at the bar having not clocked me yet. OF COURSE my friends are true darling and decide to giggle and whisper, until he turns around and sees me 'Don't say hi DO NOT YOU DARE say hi' says my brain. The gods of valhalla heard my prayer and thankfully he doesn't. Oooooohhhh no instead he does the really awkward smile and half wave mouthing of the word "Hey." Then picking up his drink and heading on upstairs. I feel his eyes bore into the back of my head like lasers decapitating me where I sit.  But I finally breathe out... For now (dun dun dun)

SO THE MEAL CONTINUES MUCH LAUGHTER AND ALCOHOL CONSUMED, and then in walks 

      2. The girl you're fake friends with and didn't invite due to it being a really long week and you having none of the energy to listen to her complain about her less than mediocre life problems.... - Don't look at me like that I didn't not invite her, but then again I didn't invite her. Opps... SO in she walks and again the room which is already at subzero temperatures while it almost being tropical outside, gets just that little bit colder again. SMITE ME WHERE I SIT THIS IS TOO MUCH FOR ONE PETITE DRAMATIC BLOGGER TO HANDLE ALONE. I want to hide assassins creed style ...

  ANYWAY how to deal with this situation? SHE approaches with a grin, like one of those creepy cat clocks. "Oh my godddd, hey you lot didn't know we were doing drinks today?" This is followed by a silence that seems to last for about four years. No one is able to say "We didn't tell you cause we cant actually stand yo" NO we just sit there looking well shifty and saying stuff like; "Oh no it was unplanned"...."Oh I text you didn't you get it?" 

             I want to just melt, like can we just not do this awkward polite secretly not very nice dance please. But she nods, smiles some more and then PULLS UP A CHAIR and starts ranting about a guy she has been dating who doesn't text her back straight away when she texts him but waits an hour to reply. I JUST CAN NOT SMILE ANY LONGER MY WILL TO LIVE IS EBBING AWAY

BUT I am here for a friends birthday so i deal with it just about, and I mean literally fists clenched nodding away because I'm scared if I say anything it'll just be a "SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP SHUT UP." So I remain quiet doing my breathing exercises in my head (yeah i dont know how that works either)... Until

3. The guy that you're currently datings ex girlfriend walks in... WHO might i add also happens to live with him.- I'm not going to even say what I felt here. BUT in short I got up and left very promptly tail very much between my legs and sunglasses over my face to hide my identity.

    Overall a very interesting lunch, is the universe trying to tell me something?! Punish me perhaps? Anyone? hello... *crickets*

OH SO ANYWAY, thanks for reading my little Flamingos I hope your week was a darn sight better than mine! Sending good vibes and love to you all... EAT YOUR GREENS THEY'RE GOOD FOR YOU! Always

                                                        M xxx

Maisie is lalalalaloving:

• Radio One-  It is literally how I wake up in the morning, thank you Grimmy you're pulling me through here.
• fancy coloured pens- making revision that little bit more fun (ish) and who doesn't love colour coordination am I right?
• Fresh bedding - Just that delicious feeling of fresh sheets on your skin, never ever overrated.
• Scrunchies - So 90s but so much kinder to my bonce than hair bobbles.
• White chocolate - In my opinion the greatest of all the chocolates.

My name is Martha-Rose, and I am lost in wonderland...

My first blog post is inspired by  the words of Alice from Lewis Carrolls "Alice In Wonderland", when in utter despair she exclaims 'I give myself very good advice but I very seldom follow it .That explains the trouble that I'm always in '...

    I really connect with this saying, anyone else agree that saying things and following them is never that easy?!
       Take it when you have found yourself in a troubling situation with someone perhaps of the opposite(or same) sex. (HAVEN'T WE ALL). You always think that you will be that exception that you can and WILL fix whatever needs to be done, and god bless you for thinking that. But realistically you probably aren't going to be able to.....(someone had to say it, don't hate me.)

   
So yeah, put down the wine and read on dear ones... I recently had this weird deja vu  experience while pondering with a few friends, (and yes alcohol) why relationship can sometimes be the most sucky thing in the whole of suckdom. One of my Friends being in a spookily eerie situation which very much mirrored my own one in previous years. Yep a boy not wanting a relationship and a girl wanting one.  Wanting one BAD.
   
   I heard myself say "He's not worth it", "You can't make someone want what you want" and the kicker "If you're being secretive and hiding what you're doing you know in your heart (IN YOUR HEART) that it is wrong." I felt like the biggest hypocrite in the world.

 Why do we do this? Why do i do this? Offer up advice which I know is right, but in my own case, I don't follow it.
     Of course people learn from mistakes and personal experiences, but why is it we can't simply listen to the things our friends or loved ones tell us... We feel the need to sit there and nod and cry a little and say "Yes, you're so right. So wise.. Ci, ydy, oui, oui." BUT then of course, we do what we want anyway. Even though the outcomes are rarely good ones.

  Is it self sabotage? Or do we really believe that we can change our situations?! That if we can persist and persevere enough to make something happen it will.. That we all will get what we want. But my darling little chick peas, can I carry on my hypocritical advice giving?! (Don't groan too loudly)
                                            You are all worth more. 

My good friend once told me that we all deserve to be adored, and if we aren't adored by that person then they're not the right fit. And we all really do, that guy, girl or friend isn't worth it. Someone will come along who is,so don't waste your time on wasters... and maybe occasionally listen to the advice you give others. You'll be surprised by your own wisdom.

My suggestion, (not that you'll listen) write down every bit of advice you've ever given or been given. Even the silly things your Gran told you about taking your coat off when your inside or, "You won't feel the benefit when you go out." You'll honestly be surprised at all the wisdom you know or have been given. And maybe next time (we all know its going to happen) Both you and I can listen to our own advice.... But till then keep smiling my darlings, we are all lost in wonderland and if it's meant to be it will be. 

This week Maisie is loving:

• Banana shampoo (nearly good enough to eat it smells so good)
• Hudson Taylors FIRST ALBUM -Singing for Strangers
• Taking New York finale (GREAT TWIST)
• The sun finally making an appearance, a sign that things get brighter.

ALL MY LOVE, till next time

                   M x